This is a work of sleep deprived illness induced satire… and inspired by a Discord comment. And so it was on a calm spring morning that good King Flatley gathered his people for a great announcement in Caer iCaffe. The people loved their King who had ruled for 17 years bringing peace and harmony to the kingdom of Illumina. King Flatley had ruled wisely, uniting this kingdom with the principality of Solexa. Defeating the traitorous liars of A B and I. And crushing the inferior Ion’s Torrent with superior low throughput sequencing instrumentation.